Wednesday, June 13, 2012

No Thank You, I STILL Don't Like Sports

Welp, Southwest had a special on tickets this week and The Boyf and I just booked for a three-day jaunt to Chicago in August! He's a huge Cubs fan--and baseball is the only sport that I care about--so it should be great fun.

Speaking of sports, it's apparently the time of year when basketball teams play against each other for high awards. I believe their competition is called the Super Bowl? (Just kidding. I know the Super Bowl is hockey.) Also, soccer is a "thing" right now. Now, Boyf is a HUGE sports fan. I mean HUGE. I never knew so many sports existed until we started dating! He doesn't care what sport: baseball, football, basketball, tennis, hockey...the list goes on and on. From what I've been able to tell, there's ALWAYS some kind of sporting match on TV. Once one sport's season ends, the next one picks right up.

Essentially, what this means is that I only get to watch Extreme Couponing (or any show that concerns a super-morbidly obese person) when he's at work, because otherwise the TV is monopolized with sports--and even if there's not a game on, SportsCenter (this is a TV show all about sports on ESPN, which is a channel all about sports) has like 20 zillion episodes EVERY. DAY. Not to mention it also somehow broadcasts over his NCAA 2012 football video game, so I keep hearing the same updates every five minutes or so. It's like Chinese Water Torture, except every five minutes it's Erin Andrews (a traitor sportscaster lady) perkily chirping "Sports! Sports sports sports. Sports sports, sportssports--SPORTS!"

Aaaand now I'm going to veer away from "sports" because it's reached that point where the word doesn't look like it's spelt right anymore. --Oh! Except I wanted to talk about soccer really quickly. I've spent about five years, all totalled, in Germany, so I should by all means like soccer--except I am an AMERICAN and we play REAL SPORTS where a game is NOT ALLOWED TO END IN A TIE and also all of OUR sports-guys aren't BETTER GROOMED THAN I AM (gosh dang metrosexuals) and OUR sports-competitors can TAKE A FREAKIN' HIT and DON'T FLING THEMSELVES ON THE GROUND to PRETEND that someone about 15 YARDS AWAY away just kicked them. EMPHASIS. However, Boyf refuses to accept this fact and stays ever-positive that he will convert me to the dark side of European sports (but I will never go because then my good American sports-watching parents would disown me), and if I ask a casual question to be polite while he's freaking out about some basket or touchdown they just made, he goes off on this like, 20-minute explanation which then requires about 10 sidebars of its own just to explain why their clock counts UP instead of DOWN. (Did you know a soccer clock counts up?! It's just plain wrong.)

I leave you with the one good thing about soccer players:

[Image via The Hollywood Gossip]

 (They do tend to have some pretty rockin' bods.)

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