Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Morning rant!

Pop quiz! When do you hate people the most?
A) First thing in the morning
B) At the end of the day
C) All the damn time

If you answered any of the above, then I'm pleased, because I'm obviously reaching my target audience. Greetings, fellow misanthropes! If you answered B in particular, you're still welcome here, but this post won't really pertain as much to you, because it's about the dreaded....MORNING RADIO SHOWS! :dun dun dunnnnn:

Okay but really. First thing in the morning, I'm already pissed at the world for EXISTING, let alone for anything more specific than "ugh world ugh." I've managed to drag myself out of bed, mayyyybe get some coffee in me (if it's a good day), get dressed, and get out the door with a banana or string cheese in tow. For clarification's sake, this is usually as I'm on my way to the gym or to meet up for a run, not necessarily as I'm heading off to work. If I'm going to work, I definitely have a real breakfast in me.

So I drag myself to the car in the pre-dawn pitch, probably running late already, and it's usually cold, and there's usually dew on the grass so my sneakers get wet, and I get in the cold car, and I turn on the radio, and...."BLAHDITTY BLAH BLAH! STUPID CRAP! HAHAHAHA! RIDICULOUS SOUND EFFECTS! CELEBRITY DRIVEL! NO MUSIC WHATSOEVER FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS!"


All I want is something with a nice beat to wake me up: some trashy Ke$ha or Nicki Minaj that I can "rap" along with (I put "rap" in quotation marks because yes, I am a white girl, I know my limits) to get me pumped  up for my workout. I do NOT want people talking, because I can hardly stand commercials at this hour (no, I don't care about getting my drains cleaned! I really don't! And if you're the goddamned Geico Gecko or Pig or whatever ludicrous mascot they have now, then the chances are good that, were I ever to meet you in person, I would STRANGLE YOU), let alone hours and hours of "ZOMG DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED ON SURVIVOR LAST NIGHT LOLZ?!" The tripe I heard this morning before changing the station? Apparently someone in Barbara Walters' family got a DUI. Not Barbara Walters herself, although even HER relevance these days is questionable. Just someone in her family. And I refuse to Google it, because that would give web traffic to Perez Hilton or TMZ or whoever and I have STANDARDS, dammit.

In conclusion: Radio stations,

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